💌 Nothing in your life is inherently good or bad. Here's why.

Hi, I'm Miribel, your anti-burnout bestie sharing another tip each week to help you become less stressed and more inspired and ready to take on the world! Flourish is your weekly source of inspiration & information on all things around life, personal growth, mental health, wellness, and career. We're trying to help redefine ambition and success for the modern woman and help tackle burnout.

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🧘🏻‍♀️ The Power of Neutral Thinking

Once upon a time, there was a Chinese farmer whose horse ran away. That evening, all of his neighbors came around to commiserate. They said, “We are so sorry to hear your horse has run away. This is most unfortunate.” The farmer said, “Maybe.”

The next day the horse came back bringing seven wild horses with it, and in the evening everybody came back and said, “Oh, isn’t that lucky. What a great turn of events. You now have eight horses!” The farmer again said, “Maybe.”

The following day his son tried to ride one of the horses, and while riding it, he was thrown and broke his leg. The neighbors then said, “Oh dear, that’s too bad,” and the farmer responded, “Maybe.”

The next day the conscription officers came around to conscript people into the army, and they rejected his son because he had a broken leg. Again all the neighbors came around and said, “Isn’t that great!” Again, he said, “Maybe.”

The whole process of nature is an integrated process of immense complexity, and it’s really impossible to tell whether anything that happens in it is good or bad — because you never know what will be the consequence of the misfortune; or, you never know what will be the consequences of good fortune.

This is an age-old Taoist parable that has evolved throughout the years and resurfaced in different articles. However, there are principles and concepts that are still relevant today and can help us improve our mental fitness.

The father in this parable was practicing something called “neutral thinking.”

Neutral thinking is a type of mental conditioning that means accepting that when something good or bad happens, it happens. Instead of getting caught up in the negativity and becoming debilitated by negative experiences, you accept it for what it is and move on.

Positive thinking can actually become problematic because if something goes wrong, it has the potential to destroy that positive mindset.

How can you start developing a more “neutral” approach to life?

1. Limit negative self-talk. Figure out how to self-soothe and leverage your preferred outlet to release negative thoughts so that you don’t carry those emotions around forever. Reflect on: What is the situation I’m in right now? (review it objectively) What can I do right now to improve the situation and achieve success? Reframe the narrative on what you want to happen—even if you might doubt yourself. It’s also highly suggested to cleanse your media consumption and unfollow the accounts that make you think less of yourself.

2. Neutralism = optimism + realism. Instead of being debilitated by a negative situation, focus on the small behaviors and actions that you can take today. For example, write about your ideal self by adopting an optimist’s perspective and list three specific actions you can take today to get closer to that ideal self. Then, as a realist, adopt that same perspective and do the same exercise. Keep that list where you can see it daily.

3. Next, identify three early warning signs that will help you spot when you’re overdoing positive or negative thinking. What indicators would signal that your optimism has strayed from positive thinking to impractical and overconfident thinking, and vice versa?

If you want to read more about neutral thinking, I would recommend reading “It Takes What It Takes: How to Think Neutrally and Gain Control of Your Life.” It's written by Trevor, who is a mental conditioning coach that has trained athletes, such as Russell Wilson, on the power of neutral thinking.

(Book notes and summary here - you know I got you 😉)

This mindset can help you remain calm and make the best of any less-than-ideal situation rather than ruminate on it, whether it's failing to hit a race PR, breaking up with your SO, or missing out on a promotion at work.

Negative thoughts may cross your mind now and again. When they do, acknowledge them and let them go. The more you practice, the more it will become your default way of thinking.

🎁 Weekly Finds:

• 🏢 Are all companies messed up? People often talk about ALL companies being "messed up" or "chaotic". The truth is, all companies face acute stressors and some chronic issues. A company is similar to an ecosystem, both with “chronic” and “acute” issues. You should be able to identify them so that you can prevent burnout and take care of yourself.

• ☕️ PSA: Caffeine can reduce depression and optimizes mental and physical performance. Some of the key takeaways: Caffeine does not increase energy – it’s simply borrowing energy, altering the time at which adenosine is released. Use about 1-3mg/kg body weight per setting so that you don’t have the jitters. Also try to delay caffeine intake to about 90-120 min after waking up.

  • If you’re too busy to even look at the timestamps for Huberman’s podcasts (aka me), you can read the podcast notes for this episode here. No judgment. Take what you need!

• 😓 How to opt out of hustle culture. In her book, Corporate Rehab: Ditch the Hustle Culture and Thrive Again, Jennie Blumenthal explores why some female leaders get addicted to hustle culture and how they can break free. She shares a framework called “corporate R.E.H.A.B” to help you understand yourself more.

• 😔 Here’s a resource to help support those who are grieving. While many of us have experienced grief, we often don’t know what to say to those grieving, especially at work. This is a guide of tangible steps, phrases, and actions for teams that was just developed by the Canva People team and shared this week.

• 😴 Women need more sleep than men. I did some additional research after watching this TikTok to see if this is actually true - and yes, it’s confirmed! Women need more sleep than men – the amount of extra sleep can vary from person to person, but I hope this encourages you to not sacrifice your sleep!

📰 In the News:

• 4️⃣ New research may have just paved the way for a 4-day work week. A new global study found a four-day work week was a "resounding success" in a pilot program. It found revenue increased +8% over the six-month trial period for 33 participating companies. On the employee side, respondents reported less burnout, less fatigue, and an increase in physical health.

• 🧘🏻‍♀️ You can’t yoga and meditate your way out of a toxic workplace. That’s not to say mindfulness is a bad thing, but it’s not addressing the main structural causes. In fact, a new survey suggests that employees who are able to adopt hybrid working patterns — balancing their time between the office and home — have the highest levels of job satisfaction and the lowest levels of presenteeism and absenteeism.

• 👩🏻‍🍼 Female executives don’t like to admit that they pay for domestic help. I loved Jill Koziol (CEO of Motherly)’s post on LinkedIn opening up about the breakdown of all the things she pays for in order to support her career, lifestyle, family, and beyond. It's important to share the behind-the-scenes of what it takes!

• 🤒 Employees are lying about mental health days, but not because they don't need them. According to a new survey from Wysa, many workers would rather pretend to be sick than tell their bosses how stressed and anxious they are.

🍱 Food for thought:

Do humans inherently want good work-life balance? What does that concept really mean, and is it correlated with the hours that we work?

What I’m starting to ruminate on is: How much you enjoy your work might not be correlated with your hours.

Life and work seem to feel different (and better) when you’re interested in what you’re doing. Coupling those periods of deep, hard, yet interesting work alongside hours of rest and recovery when you’re doing something that you care about and are interested in is something I’m thinking about during my end-of-year reflections. What are your thoughts?

💌 Happy December! 🎄 Hope you have a wonderful time spent doing the things that give you life and love in the upcoming holiday season. Please reply to this email or submit here if you have any feedback.

That’s it for today — see you next week!